Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
