you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
