I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
