You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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