You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
