my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
