Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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