Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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