Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
