she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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