yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
