dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
