Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
