Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
