I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and she was petting her beer can
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
