If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
