you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
