out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
