I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
