Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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