He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
