I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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