i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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