I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
tell me about the fingering
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
