why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
