I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
