You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
