I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.