i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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