saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
