If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!