Is that why you're texting me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.