You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
