if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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