I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
