i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
