and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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