..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
