you win again, gameday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize