just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
