you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
