i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
