He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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