I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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