Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
