Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
