You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
