he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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