Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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