Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
