apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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