matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So many bounce houses so little time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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