a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
