turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
