shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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