Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They should really pass out barf bags in church
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize