It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
