I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
