life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
