i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
