my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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