I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
