I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
