i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
