I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
