Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
50% drunk capacity currently
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
