but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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