Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
