You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
