he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
