So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
